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How to Talk to Women – Why Your Conversation FAILS to Create Attraction

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

Conversation is one thing that everyone is supposed to be good at,  right?  I mean,  we start talking when we are toddlers and we pretty much have it mastered by the time we are in our teens,  so when you are an adult an find that it is HARD to talk to women,  it can seem incredibly troubling to you.  If you get tongue tied,  if you start conversations that seem to go nowhere and you realize that it is causing you trouble with women,  then please keep on reading.

Talking to women is one of the most basic and fundamental skills that any man can possess.  Unless you have the drop dead good looks and bad boy persona to back them up,  you have to be able to hold a conversation that creates attraction and chemistry with a woman.  That is going to be your main ‘edge’ and the one thing that you can rely on that takes any woman who is out of your league and brings her right back down to your level.

How to Talk to Women and Create Attraction

Most guys don’t even realize just how bad their conversation skills with women really are until they get that one experience where they are talking to a woman that they REALLY want and they find that they either have nothing to say,  or they are just terribly boring when they speak.  Chances are,  if you find it hard to talk to women,  then you have made some mistakes along the way.  That’s okay,  because mistakes can ALWAYS be corrected.

Mistake Number One When Talking to Women -  Not Shutting Up When You Should

Part of the conversation equation actually has less to do with talking,  and more to do with listening.  No one likes to be involved in a one sided conversation,  at least,  not when they are not the one who is dominating the diatribe.  So,  the first mistake that men make is that they do not shut up when they are supposed to.  If she is telling you a story,  her opinion,  or she is just really enthusiastic about something… be a little more quiet and a listen.  She’ll dig it.

It’s always funny how you can have a conversation with a woman where honestly,  she does most of the talking and you do a whole lot of listening and then at the end of the conversation she says something like,  “Wow,  it was really nice talking to you.”  It happens all of the time when you learn to actually apply this little used technique.

Mistake Number Two When Talking to Women – Not Asking Her Any Questions

Okay,  so you don’t want to be like a toddler who asks why after everything she says.  On the other hand,  you don’t want to just sit there and make it seem like you are not paying any attention at all to what she is saying.  Getting her to reveal a LOT about herself is dead easy when you learn to incorporate the question,  WHY,  and then wait for her reply.

I use this techniques all of the time when I either just don’t feel like doing a lot of talking or I really want to get a sneak peek inside a woman’s mind and see the way that she thinks.  For example,  finding out that she was a virgin until college and asking her why that was can get her to reveal a lot about the way that she thinks about sex and relationships.  And you can use that info to decide when and how to make your move if you want to try and get her into bed with you.

Mistake Number Three -  Your Conversation Fails to Create Attraction Because There is No ESCALATION

If you are talking to a woman and you really want to be more than just someone she is having a conversation with,  then you need to escalate beyond the small talk.  You don’t want to have the same kind of conversation that she would have with just any guy.  This is why you need to escalate if you want to create real chemistry and attraction with a woman.  Go beyond just talking about basic likes and dislikes and get into some real details about “taboo” subjects.

You might be surprised at how quickly a woman will open up about all kinds of stuff if she feels comfortable talking to you and you kind of GUIDE HER along into talking about the things YOU want to know about.  I like to get a woman to talk about sexual things as quickly as possible without it being so quick that it seems like that was all I really wanted to talk about in the first place.  From there,  you can easily tease and flirt your way into hooking up with her.

Speak to Spark Attraction…

Chris Tyler

If you want to learn more about how to talk to women and how to start conversations that lead somewhere beyond friendship,  go to:  http://geturgirl.com to Get Your FREE Dating and Seduction Guide for Men

Copyright (c) 2011 Chris Tyler.  All Rights Reserved.

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How to Get Women to Talk to You – 3 Tips to Get Her Talking

Saturday, November 27th, 2010

One of the worst experiences any guy can have is to approach a woman and try to get her talking and get absolutely nothing at all. Can you hear the crickets chirping? Anytime that you approach a woman, it’s kind of on you to get the conversation started and if you don’t do your job, lots of times you will end up being met with virtual silence.

This is one of the reasons why some guys will shy away from the thought of even approaching a woman, because they experience trying to start a conversation with a woman and getting nothing at all and that is something that they do not want to experience ever again. That does not have to happen to you. You can learn how to get women to talk to you.

Here are 3 tips to get her talking:

1. Your opener can make you or break you in this situation.

A woman that you have just approached does not have much to go on when you first walk up to her. So, that opener that you use to start a conversation, that is going to play a big role in whether or not she starts talking to you. Most of the time, if it seems like you are strolling over to her just for a pick up and that is exactly the kind of line that you drop on her… expect to hear those crickets chirping. Instead, use something relative to the situation. Not only does that “smell” less like a classic pick up move, but she would have to be rude not to talk back to you in some way.

2. Your appearance is going to play a big role in whether or not she feels comfortable talking to you.

Like it or not, people DO judge a book by its cover, especially when they don’t have much else to go on. Who cares if it is politically correct, it’s just the way that it is. If you approach a woman with a hard look on your face, kind of trying to pull off the tough guy look, and that kind of a guy “scares” her, do you really think that she is going to talk to you? Probably not and even if she does, it’s just going to be enough for her to think of an excuse to get away from you. Soften up your appearance a little, look like a guy who is approachable and friendly, and you will have a much easier time getting women to talk to you.

3. Stay away from controversial subjects and don’t get drawn into a debate.

This is not a good approach, especially if you really don’t know her at all and you are just walking up to her in a bar or a club or any other public place. Controversy and debates can stimulate sexual tension in the right context, but the first time that you meet a woman, or in the wrong venue and it will have a bad effect on what you are trying to accomplish. You need to keep the conversation light and fun, hey, even humorous more than anything else. This is especially true when you have just made a cold approach on a woman.

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Copyright © 2010 Chris Tyler All Rights Reserved.

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How to Overcome Shyness Around Women – 5 Tips on Being Able to Confidently Talk to Women

Friday, August 27th, 2010

There are definitely varying degrees of shyness that men will exhibit with women. Some guys have no problems at all approaching and talking to women, and others are utterly terrified of even approaching a woman that they do not already know, or one that they do not know very well. And a lot of guys are really somewhere in the middle.

Sometimes they can confidently start a conversation with a woman, and then there are other times when they just cannot seem to make it happen.

I am going to kind of “target” this article at guys that are really uncomfortable when talking to women, and depending on where you find yourself, you may be able to pick up a few things here and there, even if you are more in the middle, so to speak.

First of all, I would like you to think of where the fear comes from. Was there EVER a time in your life that you did not have any fear about talking to women, or was it always that way?

I know for myself, that there have been times when it seemed like I could approach any woman that I wanted to and I did not even think twice about it, and there have been just as many times when I felt as though I could not even start a conversation with a butt ugly chick.

Obviously in those situations, where the woman is not attractive, it is not a situation where you are intimidated by her looks.

For many guys, the fear comes from the “unkown.”

What do I mean by this?

At many different points in your life, I can assume that the majority of your social circle, or your social network has consisted of mostly other men. Don’t count female family members, and I bet that the majority of the time, your social circle has mostly been other guys.

So, right there, you kind of have a disconnection from women, and you probably are not really sure what to talk about, and you have no real reference points in your mind that shows you that you can easily start a conversation with a woman.

Now, I can also bet that there have been times when your social circle did have at least a couple of females in there. Maybe it was in high school or college. During those times, I will also bet that you found it at least a little bit easier to talk to women.

Why?

Because you had those reference points in your mind, you have examples and memories of conversations with women, and that was enough to tell you that you DID know how to talk to women, at least on some level.

The reason why I am digging into this area, is because most men that have a REALLY hard time talking to women… don’t talk to women that often.

And that is the source of a lot of the fear and the awkwardness, it’s the inexperience.

So, here are 5 tips on how to overcome shyness with women and be able to confidently talk to women:


1. Become friends with at least one female.

And I do mean friends and nothing more. You want to introduce some females into your life and your social circle. The change that you can make just by doing this alone can be profound. One guy that I worked with took this one bit of advice and kind of ran with it. He wound up making friends with quite a few women, and suddenly he saw that he could talk to women, no problems at all.

He built new references and experiences in his mind, ones that he could pull from at any time, and realize that he DID have the skills to talk to any woman that he wanted. The result? He started dating more women in one year than he had in the previous 5 years.

2. Approach at least one woman per week that you do not know and start a conversation, no matter how small.

Eventually, if you really want to get this area of your life “mastered,” then I suggest that you up it to one woman per day. The point of doing this is not to get a date or a phone number, at least not at first. It’s about overcoming the “shock” of approaching women that you do not know, and starting a conversation with her.

Soon, whatever fears that you might have will start to subside, and you will realize that it can actually be kind of easy to start a conversation with a woman, even when you don’t know her at all.

3. Now that you have started to get female friends and started to talk to women that you do not know, start to build up for something more.

Once you have a female friend, and hopefully more than just one in your network, and you have started to approach women that you do not know and get a conversation going, it’s time to UP the ante. You now want to start at least getting some phone numbers from women.

When you approach a woman that you do not know and the conversation seems to be fun and maybe even a little flirty, ask her for her phone number. Sure, she might say NO, and she might just move on after that. The point is to get used to asking for her number so that way, the shock of doing that will just wear off.

4. After the first one or two or maybe even three women, you have probably gotten at least one phone number, and now, you want to get comfortable making plans or dates.

Obviously, you are not approaching women just to have a stash of phone numbers, right? The whole point in getting the phone number is to work up to a date with her, and of course, maybe even more than that. So, you want to get used to talking to her on the phone, at least enough to make plans.

Depending on your personality, a short conversation may be better and more effective than a longer one. The more silent pauses there are, the more it will seem like she would be bored on a date with you. So, if that is your personality, make it short, touch base with her, and get her to meet you somewhere. My favorite thing has always been to get a woman to hop on the train and head into Manhattan, yours may be different.

5. This is probably the MOST important tip of all– Think of EVERY FAILED ATTEMPT AS JUST A PRACTICE RUN.

If you think of every rejection or every conversation that leads to nowhere as just being a test run, a practice, then it will not have as big of an impact on you as if you think of it as being just another sign that you suck with women. You probably DON’T suck with women as much as you think you do, and when it starts to “click” and you start to get more and more dates with women, then you will look back on all of those failed attempts as just being either funny or a lesson learned and nothing more.

There is no shortage of women that are worth dating out there, so don’t have the mentality that you let one get away and that you might never get another opportunity like that. Look around, beautiful women are everywhere, and every day you can end up coming across a woman that is even better than the last.

Even though it can be intimidating at first, and you might think that you have nothing worth saying, the more times that you get out there, you will discover how to talk to women in a way that builds intense attraction.

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Copyright © 2010 Chris Tyler All Rights Reserved.

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