Overcoming shyness and social anxiety…  why would I make a post about this on GetURGirl.com?

Besides the fact that both shyness and social anxiety can keep you from actually getting out there and meeting people,  it can also hurt you when you do meet someone and your shyness or your social anxiety gets in the way of really getting to have fun with each other.

Shyness and social anxiety is more common than you might think.  Some of the world’s best pick up artists have admitted that at one time in their lives,  they were incredibly shy.   For some,  it was strictly shyness around women.  For others,  it was shyness in all aspects of their lives.  They did not have the solid group of friends that they wanted to have.  They did not have much of a social life at all,  to be honest.

I have been there myself and I know from personal experience,  it’s no fun to be the shy guy.  And I have dated women who were on the shy side and I know that it can definitely get in the way of having as much fun as you would if it just was not an issue.

So,  how can you overcome shyness and social anxiety?

1.  You have to admit that it is a problem.

This goes for any problem that you might have,  any part of your life that you might want to get handled.  You have to be able to admit it to yourself,  so that you are actually ready to do something about it.  Personally,  I would come up with excuses all of the time.  I would say to myself that I did not need to have many friends,  or that I was just not meeting the right people.  When I knew deep down inside,  it was me.  It was my shyness that was holding me back.

2.  You have to try and understand what it is that is causing you to be shy.

Now,  I don’t mean that you need to do any real deep psychoanalyzing of yourself.  Usually you know the answer to this.  Just ask yourself,  why am I shy and see what the answers that pop into your head are.  Maybe it is the fear of being rejected by people.  Maybe you were raised in a household where you were expected to be quiet and well behaved and that stunted you a little,  socially.  Whatever it is you need to be able to connect with it,  and realize that it does not have to be that way.

3.  You need to have a system for getting past your shyness.

For myself,  I created my own little “system” and all it really consisted of was getting myself to talk to people I normally would not.  To start little conversations and not really expect much of anything to come of it.  You never know when the next person you reach out to,  might be feeling the same way as you,  or they may be that ‘connection’ to a larger group of friends that you can make.

4.  You can’t beat yourself up when you don’t act the way that you want to.

What I mean by this is, let’s say that you decide that you want to overcome your shyness and so you make a point that the next social situation you are in,  you are going to speak up.  And for whatever reason,  when you do get in that situation,  you don’t.  It’s easy to get disappointed with yourself and beat yourself up.  Don’t do that because all that will do is make you feel bad about yourself and dig deeper into your ‘shell.’

5.  Don’t try and be friends with everybody just to get over your shyness.

One mistake that you can make and it can be harmful,  is to try and be friends with everybody just to overcome your shyness.  And by everybody,  I mean everybody.  Even though you may want and need to enlarge your social circle,  you don’t wan to do so at the expense of your own morals,  values,  and personal safety.  Growing up,  I saw shy kids end up running with the wrong crowd just to fit in and it did not turn out well for them.  And at an older age,  I’ve also seen friends who were on the shy side begin hanging out with people that got them caught up in a lot of ‘negative’ things.

One of the most important aspects is the third point I made,  about having a system in place to help you overcome your shyness and social anxiety.  It makes it a lot easier when you know exactly what you need to do than to just have that alone feeling that never seems to go away.

Copyright (c) 2011 Chris Tyler.  All Rights Reserved.